Research Center

Fucked up we all is.

2006-11-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

It seems fitting to go on a small rant after a year away.

I read the majority of what I wrote and scary enough most of it is still applicable. So it seems that all of my stupid soul searching for 13 months has equated to nothing more than a pile of shit. I still have the same problems, so do all of my friends. But how do you even define that word? I have had so many entrances and exits from people I thought would be there forever over the past 13 months it makes my head want to spin. Pretty much I just want to say fuck it. And yet I still feel like there is more. I have faith that the answer I have been searching for for 33 years is indeed out there. But is it? Perhaps fucked up we all is, and all we ever will be?

The Commitment-phobe

2005-10-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

I skipped over the post on this type of girl on purpose. I guess i skipped it because i am currently dating one and it is a relationship in progress.

How am i fairing? Not bad. I don't want to say too much because she has discovered my blog and has read it.

Tips to dating the Commitment-phobe.

1. Don't push until you hear those three words.
2. Make small goals for yourself. Spending the night. Leaving a toothbrush. Baby steps for this type of girl.
3. Unlike the Player don't play games with this type of girl. It's not that they are unable to make a commitment like the Player - it's just that they are afraid to. Any indication that you are the wrong girl and you are history.
4. Commitment-phobes like to be alone. You have to prove that it is better to be with someone than not.

102 Things

2005-10-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

Wow - how do you start the 102 things about me?

Let me try.

#1. I don't like the Gwen Stefani song "we're cool" about her old love either. It's crap.

#2. I now technically have three dogs although two live with my ex.

#3. I always thought I was a cat person.

#4. I still talk to my mother and father and love them very much. If it weren't for them i would be nothing.

#5. My best friends are those i made in highschool.

#6. I don't believe in forever anymore.

#7. They say on average you will love 6 times in your lifetime. I have two left.

#8. They say on average a woman has the same best friend for 14 years. I have had mine for 14.

#9. I never thought i would fit into my size 6 clothes again. Never give up hope Mizchief!

#10. I have always wanted children, but fear through my relationship mishaps i will never get the chance.

#11. I used to have a crush on Bette Midler.

#12. I am a recovering reality TV show junky.

#13. I have never been in a fight with anyone other than my sister.

#14. I love my red honda civic.

#15. I color my hair to cover grey now - not just for fun.

#16. If i won the lottery I WOULD quit my job.

#17. I live with 2 roommates.

#18. I never thought i would be 32 and be living with 2 roommates.

#19. I didn't vote in the last 2 elections.

#20. I started playing sports to meet girls and then found out i like sports after all.

#21. I had no idea i was gay til i was 21.

#22. My parents still love me.

#23. I meditate.

#24. I am too high strung for my own good.

#25. I have never been successful at keeping a journal.

#26. Sometimes on sunny days i stay in with all the blinds closed and i don't feel guilty about it.

#27. I should walk my dog more.

#28. I need to learn to budget.

#29. I have never lived anywhere but BC.

#30. I have lived in 7 cities.

#31. I was actually born in BC.

#32. My favorite color is purple.

#33. My favorite flower is the stargazer lily.

#34. I love sushi.

#35. I find it hard to cry sometimes even though i think i shouldn't.

#36. The last person i cried over was my ex.

#37. I don't read as much as i should.

#38. I don't eat as well as i should.

#39. I wish me and my sister were closer.

#40. I have been a bridesmaid twice.

#41. I don't know if i will ever get married - but i'de like to.

#42. I am a procrastinator.

#43. The way to my heart has always been through my head.

#44. I have been a cheater and been cheated on.

#45. I thought by my age i would have a career.

#46. I thought by my age i would be married.

#47. I thought by my age i would own a home. - I did, but i left it with my ex.

#48. If life were the L word I would be Jenny.

#49. If life were a friends episode i would be Chandler.

#50. If life were the Brady Bunch i would be Jan.

#51. Finding 102 facts about myself is harder than i thought.

#52. I was not a metal head in highschool - i was more a preppy roll up your pants and hit the street with your skateboard girl.

#53. I had my first drink on grad night.

#54. I wasn't allowed to go to partys in school.

#55. 5 years at university and all my friends who didnt go to school make twice as much money as i do.

#56. If i didnt have to wake up so early i would be a night owl.

#57. I am not a morning person.

#58. I can crochet but never learned to knit.

#59. I cross stitch in the winter.

#60. I am so lame i am actually counting the minutes til i leave my pathetic job.

#61. If i had to watch a sport on TV i would pick curling.

#62. If i could be anything in the world i would be independantly wealthy. An heiress.

#63. If i had to work i would want to be a film critic.

#64. If i were to devote my life to humanitarian work i would budget my time between mental health organizations and a center devoted to helping women coming out of correctional facilities.

#65. What people say they like about me most is my big heart.

#66. When choosing a friend the most important thing to me is compatibility, followed by loyalty, then humour.

#67. I never learnt any languages besides french up to grade 11.

#68. I try to plan out my life too much.

#69. I am great at solving other people's problems.

#70. I didn't attend my highschool reunion.

#71. I am glad i didn't figure out i was gay til i was 21. i don't know how these kids do it in highschool.

#72. I spend too much time in front of the computer.

#73. I spend too much money eating out.

#74. Because i start a new job on Friday i will not have had a vacation in three years by the time i qualify.

#75. The last place i went on a good trip was Cancun.

#76. I had a better time when i went to penticton.

#77. I love playing pool.

#78. I love Starbucks mochas.

#79. I spend more than i earn.

#80. I don't really have my own church, but I don't support organized religion.

#81. If i had to pick a relgion i would be a Buddhist.

#82. I am only two thirds of the way through reading the bible. I am stuck in Psalms.

#83. I think i am height phobic because i only date shorter girls.

#84. I want to change my last name.

#85. I learned to read when i was three.

#86. I don't like sandwiches for lunch.

#87. I don't eat breakfast.

#88. I drink at least 4 cups of coffee per day.

#89. I secretly want to get rid of my cel phone.

#90. I was once addicted to chatrooms.

#91. My car's name is Ruby.

#92. I still miss my first car Henry - he was a Hyundai Pony!

#93. I have yet to start saving for my retirement.

#94. One day i want to see the pyramids.

#95. I sing in my car.

#96. I dance when no one is watching.

#97. I wish me and my sister were closer.

#98. I wish my family lived closer.

#99. My favorite singer is Sarah McLachlan.

#100. I think Adam Sandler is funny.

#101. I like chocolate and peanut butter icecream.

#102. I can't believe i finished this thing!

The stupid girl

2005-09-23T15:30:00.000-07:00

So I quit my job today. Boom just like that. I had decided i had enough. I am freaked but yet totally entralled by this new sense of freedom i will have for a bit. Worse case scenario i shack up with mom and dad again? Oh cripes. But at least I wont have to work for my moronic boss anymore. What a freakin relief!

The Deer

2005-09-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

I have met a few of these girls and the draw here is the mystery and the challenge. They are beautiful and timid creatures who won't give you the time of day unless your approach is right and you are smart. Now me - I am not so into the challenge and the hunt - otherwise I would have kept pursuing the player. But with the Deer sometimes you just can't help it because you fall in love with them before you can get your head on straight.

So a couple of tips for our masochists out there that want to pursue the object of their affection...

Heard the expression patience is a virtue? Yep well it's true in this case. You will need lots and lots of patience. The key to the Deer is making it appear that things are evolving on their own timeline. They like to be in control - when they feel a sense of loss of control they will bolt. The best way to pursue the Deer is to be romantic but not overly aggressive. Try to make your decisions based on what she appears to want to happen. If she needs space give her space, but never withold love because even the Deer craves love.

And don't say I didn't warn you. If you pursue the Deer it will be exciting and powerful - but the hurt you may experience may far outway the exstacy!

Top or Bottom?

2005-09-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

A while back I had a friend ask me if I thought she was a top or a bottom. Hee hee I thought. This is going to be fun. A harmless and open invitation to flirt. So I began throwing out questions like, 'do you like to be thrown against the wall or throw the girl against the wall?' 'Do you like to be tied up or do you like to do the tying?' It seemed like fun but then we decided I should write a post on this.

Am i a top or a bottom?

The first time I was asked this question i was at the Cambie pub just after i had come out on my way to my first play party. The woman next to me asked me this question. My adrenaline started to pump and I quickly looked her over. She definitely looked like a top so I responded 'TOP!' even though i had no idea at the time what a 'top' was, I was sure that i didn't want to be the opposite of what this woman was. "Too bad" she said. "Do you share?" "Hell no! I said. I quickly made my gf take me home and so ended my career in play parties.

It wasn't until well into that relationship that i started to learn what these labels entailed. A top was someone who took charge sexually. Who was aggressive and usually made the first move. To me a top has always been who had the more masculine energy between the two lovers.

A bottom then of course was submissive, wanted to please the top and was the holder of more of the feminine energy. The bottom was usually the one being nailed to the bed, tied up, spanked, and fucked.

I had always thought i was a top until i met my recent gf. I then figured out a new category. 'The Switch'. Turns out I could play both roles and gained sexual satisfaction from being dominated as well as dominating. Me and my new gf take turns with this and it suits me fine. She can top me anytime!

The Serial Monogomist

2005-08-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Okay I must pay special omage to the serial monogomists because I know so many of them and they are such a sorry lot. Going from one girl to the next in the endless pursuit of the perfect match. She don't exist suckas! And often these girls are so moralistic because they think what they are doing is superior because they are doing it in the name of a RELATIONSHIP. Shut up and stick with something I say.

What is the secret to dating a serial monogomist? Keep her happy and secure. It won't be hard to find her, harder to keep her because she has the chew em up and spit em out attitude. If someone doesn't measure up - there is someone better out there. Sometimes true - sometimes not. Happy hunting.

Although these girls are easy to find and easy to get to go out with you - all you have to do sometimes is ask - my advice is to stay far and far away. Their patterns are harder to break than the commitment-phobe.

Am I a pervert?

2005-08-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am out last night playing pool with the grrls and I came up with a few new ones.

The Stalker Girl
The Closet Case
The Baby Dyke
The Pervert

But lets get back to the original list and talk about the Player. I have known and dated only one player. What was the draw? She was cool man. And people said - stay away - she is bad news - she'll bust you up. Hmm.. reverse psychology setting in - date her! It was a fun ride and I learnt a lot. What is the attraction of the player? Is it the coolness? The mystique? That dangerous aura about them? Or did I just fall into the all too common everyone loves a bad girl routine? So not me - I am smarter than that right? Wrong.

Tips to dating the player. Don't try this at home. Seriously, only the advanced need apply. If you are a newbie - they will chew you up. You will have had to have mastered the art of being aloof. Once a player gets wind that you are hooked, that you are interested, then the playing begins. The only way to master a player and keep them hooked is to play yourself - so if you aren't up for the game - don't bother - you won't win. These women love the drama and the game, but down deep they are yearning to meet their match - to meet the woman that sends them head over feet. For another bad girl.

10 do's and don'ts to dating the player.

#1 - Don't act too interested. Stay aloof.
#2 - Be mysterious. Don't offer up too much information.
#3 - Call as little as possible.
#4 - Don't always be available.
#5 - Take her places she has never been.
#6 - Always leave her sexually charged.
#7 - Be a little freaky.
#8 - Don't act jealous.
#9 - Don't be clingy.
#10 - Don't talk about commitment.

The Monogomist Slut

2005-08-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend about my blogs and all of the different stereotypes I had come up with and she asked what she would be. Then she said, 'wait I know - I am the Monogomist Slut.' I said, what - you can't be both. She proceeded to tell me that a monogomist slut could exist because it was a person that only wanted to have sex with one person but like all the time. I told her, no. That's not slutty. She said well it depends on the kind of sex. I told her no, that would only make you a Freaky Monongomist. Like the song says I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. Personally this is my favorite kind of girl. Monogomist and freaky? Yay! Bring it on. More freaky than me? Bring it on! I love The Freaky Monogomist.

Top Ten Rules

2005-08-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Rule #1

Women crave drama in their lives, never ever be boring. Always be unpredictable. Never ever be boring. Predictibility is a death sentence.

Rule #2

Never call twice. Call her once. If she calls back she likes you. If not she doesn't. Woman can smell a desperate person a mile away. Cut it out.

Rule #3

Always date over your head. Shoot for the stars to reach the moon man.

Rule #4

Don't be too nice. Believe it or not even in the lesbian world everybody loves a bad boy.

Rule #5

Don't call everyday. Act a little aloof man. Women love a challenge.

Rule #6

Grab the check. In fact drop your VISA or MC before the dinner. Even the most independant woman wants to feel special. Believe it or not if you pick up the check they will think you are interested.

Rule #7

Ask her about her day. Focus on her. Even the most shy girl likes to talk about herself. Also pay attention. Valuable information could be dropped. Favorite flowers, favorite food.

Rule #8

Don't jump all over the commitment issue right away even if you want one. Even the most confident woman does not want to feel trapped. Plus depending on the woman you may make her run like the wind.

Rule #9

Call the day after. I know I said don't call every day but call the day after... then skip a few. Tell her the next day you just wanted to let her know you had a great time. She won't be expecting this and it will catch her off guard. Remember women love unpredictibility.

Rule #10

Try a little old school. Open the door, buy flowers. And damn it remember the place and the date of your first date. Don't be an idiot and fall into that trap!

Soul mates?

2005-08-22T10:25:00.001-07:00

Soulmates?

So, I have always been asked if there was a person out there who was made for someone else. A soul mate. My answer to this is caa caa poop! Of course not. A soul mate. There are many different fits out there. Humans are adaptable. This is why we can fall in and love so easily. This is why love and relationships take work and are not a piece of cake like most people now a days think they shoud be. "What? Things aren't perfect? I am out of here." No one is perfect people!

Now don't start with that New Age stuff about how we all have matches to our souls. I have heard all about that. I am a true believer in reincarnation and Karma coming back to bite you in the ass. I know I must have been one hell of a MOTHER FUCKER in my last life to come back as a crazy and breast challenged lesbo.

But like I said humans are adaptable at putting up with other people's shit. This is why arranged marriages work sometimes and the two people don't kill each other in their sleep. Not that I am an advocate of the arranged marriage - hell no! Freedom of choice man for me! Lots of people out there can be good fits. It is just finding the best fit and the perfect 'type' for you. Lets call this adventure what a good friend quoted she needed. "A Roadmap of Dating".

For my next post I will give you the top ten rules i live by. I hope they help you on your journey.

The Stereotypes

2005-08-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

Stereotypes

Okay lets start off this post with the basis of the book. Everyone can be strategically placed into a stereotype for the most part. It won't always be dead on, but most girls will fall into a category so you can best plan your next move. Before you make a move - do your research. Find out which category a girl will fit into.

Everyone has a different approach to dating. Here are a few:

The Player
The Serial Monogomist.
The Commitment-phobe
The Deer
The Dirty-girl
The Desperate Girl
The Cynic
The Chameleon
The Party Girl
The Cougar
and conversely Cougar-Bait
The Intellectual
The Loner
The Thinker.

So many but these we will start with.

My research is based on six months of dating in the community. I am no expert but I have met a looooooot of girls and have come to one conclusion - dating sucks.

So you wanna blog...

2005-08-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

Spent like four hours reading this guys posts about the DG at work. It was so funny. A simple day of researching how to do this led to wasting half of my day. My boss must love me. The funny thing is I told the guy on Tuesday that my job is not a full time job and that he should make me part time. I told him i am bored and I dont do anything half the time. He then proceeded to tell me that he doesn't care if i don't have anything to do as long as what I do do is done correctly? I think he is crazy. He is like the worst business man ever. He is my craziest boss yet. If an employee came up to me and said that I would start to wonder. Now he just talks to me more. Crazy, crazy man.